This is an update to the “Conflicted and Confused” post I made last month. The weekend after I made that post I went back up north to visit with my ex for the weekend. We talked a lot and realized we do still love each other but we have a lot of work to do to rebuild our relationship. I am going up there again this weekend to visit with him some more.
I say “still conflicted” because I worry that we will become complacent and start making the same mistakes over again. I am concerned because this will be a long-distance relationship, by my choice, for quite some time. I need to be sure this is what is going to be best for me and my family.
If I decide to move him down here to be with me it is going to be a huge adjustment for everyone in my family. Not all my family is happy I want to try with him again. We had some rough times that got kinda nasty verbally and emotionally. But I forgive him because I know the stress he was under and his motivation behind saying the things he did. I said some things I’m not proud of too so I’m not innocent in that regard. But often relationships end badly. At least we have the option to make it better. Not everyone gets a second chance.
I also am considering moving into my own place in the next few months just to get some space and time alone to think. Just me and my dog, with my daughter over on the weekends. I have never lived alone so this will be a new experience for me. But I am sort of looking forward to it…like a new adventure. It might be nice to be on my own for a while.
I know there are people that will be upset by this post. I’m sorry if anyone is upset by the way I feel and the words I put to “paper”. But sometimes blogging is about getting your feelings out and this is what I am doing. It is therapeutic for me. I hate feeling that there are things I can’t share because someone will be upset by the posts. Unfortunately, I often feel that way so I write nothing and it just all simmers inside. Once again, like the post linked above, no comments will be allowed. Contact me directly if you know me and have advice or support.
