Review: Nick Hawk™ GIGOLO Sexual Positions Book

This month’s review is a bit different because I have chosen to review a book offered through California Exotic Novelties. I thought it would make for a nice change of pace.

Nick Hawk is one of the stars of the Showtime series Gigolos, which chronicles the daily life of several male gigolos living in Las Vegas. I have watched the show a few times and these guys are HOT, especially Nick with his sexy tattoos.

Ok, now to talk about the book. This is more of a coffee table-type book. I would have preferred it to be more book-sized as it is too long to fit nicely on a bookshelf. Half the width and twice the thickness would have been better in my opinion. The photography would have been just as beautiful on a smaller sized page.

The blurb on the back of the book hypes up the “experiences” of Nick Hawk that make him an authority to be the author of this book. It ends with a “note” from the author which I found to be insulting to anyone who isn’t model-thin and super athletic. Mr. Hawk has the audacity to state that if you can’t get these positions to work properly then you might “need to hit the gym!“. If I was looking at this book in a bookstore and read that comment I would have immediately decided not to purchase the book for that statement alone. There are also more derogatory comments peppered throughout the book such as “the smaller the woman, the better” and “better find a gymnast to pull this one off’. He needs to get over his ego and “porn star” mentality to see that over 95% of the people in this country don’t have the flexibility or body habitus to be able to do many of the positions in this book. My advice to Nick is more positioning tips, less boasting about your prowess.

The book and photography itself is gorgeous, although more backdrops and scenery would have been nice. I got tired of seeing the same background drops over and over again. I know the book isn’t about the background though, so I can forgive that. Glossy thick pages make this book a pleasure to view. There are two attractive porn star models who join Nick Hawk in his escapades. I would have liked to see a bunch of different women, but maybe I just prefer variety. Or maybe those were the only type of athletic flexible women he could find to maneuver into his wild, normally unattainable positions. Not many women I know can do complete backbends while sucking cock or be suspended in mid-air while deep-throating.

I enjoyed looking through this book, because of the great photography, but would have liked to see more information on how to achieve the positions. Every photo had a one or two sentence comment from Nick, but nothing to help me recreate the position if I was having difficulties or couldn’t figure it out from the photo alone.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Nick Hawk GIGOLO Sexual Positions Book …2 crops (because of the insulting commentary) :

Review by NaughtyMuffin

The myth of monogamy

This has been rolling around in my head for a while now. I’m not really sure where this post is going, so bear with me. Recent changes in my life have made me think about a lot of things. Like what we are told as children and what we find out is the truth as adults. Also, the way we are told how our relationships should be and how they are WRONG if they don’t match up to what we are told is the “one true way”.

Every little girl grows up thinking there can be a “happily ever after” with her “prince charming” who will love only her forever and ever. Yet there comes a time when we aren’t little girls anymore and we are exposed to the harsh reality of life, love, and relationships. This is usually heartbreaking and emotional. Hopefully you have a good support system to get you through the tough times. This is when we appreciate our girlfriends the most.

I guess what I’m getting at is that there is no “true” monogamy. If there was, then every guy/girl would unconditionally commit to the first girl or guy he/she has sex with and they both would have been virgins, and they will mate for life never having had sex with anyone but their special partner. Of course, there probably are a few couples out there that meet this definition. To you I say, Congratulations from the bottom of my heart. You are the rarest of the rare in the relationship universe.

The rest of us have most likely engaged in serial monogamy at some point in our life. Probably a long string of serially monogamous relationships. We meet someone, fall in lust, have great sex, become a couple, maybe fall in love…and at some point in time one of the pair decides that the relationship isn’t working anymore. So they split, amicably or not, and both move on to the next relationship.

Then there are a wide variety of relationship types that fall outside of these two scenarios. The “alternative” relationship models. This could include casual dating, polyamory, swinging, open relationships, friends with benefits … anything that is not monogamy.

Although society would have us believe that these types of relationships are WRONG, I have come to believe that these types of relationships are more common than anyone wants us to believe because that outcome goes against the ingrained monogamy myth. Even if you aren’t religious, and getting your sexual morals from organized religion, most of us were still taught that we should grow up, get married, have children, and grow old together as a twosome.

What is so wrong with having sex with others? I don’t mean cheating, which is not the best thing to do in a relationship, although I have been guilty of that in the past. I mean having a conversation with your significant other and coming to an agreement that it is okay if you desire other people and want to explore that sexual attraction. Humans are sexual beings. We have wants and desires that may not be met by only one person in our lives. Maybe we just want something a little different from what we have now. It doesn’t mean we care about our partner any less or that they are lacking in a particular area. It just means we are exploring our sexuality.

As human beings we have the capacity to choose. We were gifted with free will. Our partners should realize we choose to be with them even if we also choose to want to explore with others. It doesn’t mean we love them less or they are failing at something. It doesn’t mean we are “leaving” them. It just means that we want to explore and experience life. The key to surviving is communication. Without communication things can go seriously wrong and feelings can be hurt. Nobody wants to intentionally hurt a person they care about. At least I hope not.

But many people have trouble communicating their desires. On the other hand, many people have trouble accepting that their partner desires another. Non-monogamy is difficult. It takes a strong relationship to withstand it. I have seen many relationships fail when attempting to think outside the relationship box and the monogamy myth. Some find that they can’t handle it even when they thought they could, others find that it wasn’t what they wanted but the original relationship is so damaged that there is no way back. I don’t know if better communication could have salvaged things or not. Each relationship is unique.

I admit, communication is something I am learning. My past experiences taught me to hide all types of things so it is hard to re-learn to be open and honest. Especially about my feelings. But I’m trying and doing and hopefully succeeding. I can’t change the past but I can work hard to shape the future and not make the same mistakes.

Those of you who are regular readers know there was a time I believed myself to be polyamorous. I can truthfully say that emotionally I am polyamorous. I can love more than one person at a time and freely do so. But my heart has been put through the ringer by a loved one and I did nothing to stop the pain until very recently.

I don’t feel ready to have more than one serious relationship. Right now, I want my primary relationship as well as some friends with benefits. I want an open relationship. I want to have fun, explore sexually, do the things I never did as a young adult. I want to date without the expectation of a serious relationship. I want to see what it is like to be desired and act on that desire without fear of repercussions. To not have to hide the fact that I am sexually attracted to another person.

Most of all I want to know that my boyfriend will accept my desires and be happy for me that I am making myself happy and that it doesn’t mean I care about him less. I want to experience a relationship without jealousy. One with compersion. A relationship without demands and unreasonable expectations. In return I give my gratitude and appreciation to him for being the bigger man and seeing that confining me won’t make me stay. It would only make me unhappy and more likely to leave.

Silicone Butterfly Kiss by California Exotic Novelties

Every month I get so excited to see what new product CalExotics has sent for me to review. This month was no different. I rush upstairs, open the package, and see what I get to play with this month. After lifting the box flaps on this month’s item I was questioning whether I would like this product or not. I’m not a huge fan of insertables, as regular readers might know. But I’m always up to try something new. This is the first time I have used an insertable that also had a well-defined clitoral stimulator. Most double-duty product have very long thick shafts and the clitoral stimulators are like alien antennae on an odd animal. I was pleased to see that the Butterfly Kiss seemed more body friendly, having a contoured shorter shaft, not too thick, with a g-spot stimulator tip.

The silicone Butterfly Kiss is, obviously, made of body-safe silicone with three vibration speeds for your customized pleasure. It has two motors to keep you going, running on two AAA batteries, and is waterproof for bath time fun. You can even choose between pink and purple. I reviewed the purple model, pictured here. The control button is located on the very end and operates with a simple push. I think the control button could be made more user-friendly but it really doesn’t detract much from the operation of this particular toy.

One thing I must stress with a product of this type: please use plenty of water-based lubricant. It will definitely add to your experience and pleasure. You should always use water-based lubricant with silicone toys. Silicone lubricant can damage your silicone toys, even if the toys are pure 100% silicone, like the Butterfly Kiss.

I grabbed my favorite water-based lubricant and applied a decent amount to the shaft, adding a bit more to the butterfly portion since that area was more likely to need some extra glide. I found the shaft slid right in without any issue and the butterfly snuggled right up against my body. With a slight adjustment to make the butterfly fit even closer to my clitoris, I pressed the power button. I was pleasantly surprised, compared to previous experiences with these types of toys, at how smoothly the Butterfly Kiss operated. After a warm-up, I stepped up to the second speed and added a bit of pressure. Within seconds this toy jumped to being one of my favorites. Having vibrations inside and out pushed me over the edge just right. The shaft was perfectly sized and not uncomfortable in the least. The butterfly did its job without complaint.

My concerns for this toy are the power button, mentioned previously, and the noise level. On the lowest speed, this toy is fairly quiet. The second speed is a bit louder but still within normal limits. However, I found the third speed to be just too loud. Noise levels concern me as I don’t live alone and don’t want the world to know what I am doing in my bedroom and when. Even with the noise issue, the Butterfly Kiss is definitely now ranked among my top toys for overall performance and comfort. Guess I better go buy some more lube.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Silicone Butterfly Kiss … 4 crops:

Body & Soul™ Adore™ by California Exotic Novelties

This month’s product is the Body & Soul Adore. This lightweight wonder comes in purple, pink, and blue. I received the blue version (as pictured). I knew upon seeing the photo on the box that I would like this product. The narrow-tipped end is just my kind of massager.

First some details about the product itself. The Adore only weight 1.5 ounces, is 3.25 inches long, and feels great in your hand. It is made of ABS with PU Cote Satin Finish™ (for that silky smooth feel), has a silicone push button, and a silver-plated decorative ring. Only one AA-battery is required to power this three-speed beauty.

The Adore is advertised as “whisper quiet” but I found the second and third speeds to be loud, especially the highest (third) vibration level. Fortunately for me, the second speed was my preferred level.  Some people need their toys to be almost silent, depending on their living conditions. So if a product is advertised as “whisper quiet” it really should be almost silent.

I found the push button control on the Adore to be hard to navigate. I’m not sure if it is because I am left-handed or because the control is located on the side that faces the body when in use. Either way, I had to stop using the Adore and turn it over to adjust the vibration level. I didn’t care for the interruption and felt the button was difficult to push. I had to press it several times before hitting it just the right way to change settings. You also have to cycle through every setting to get to the OFF position.

Now before you start thinking that I am feeling negatively towards the Adore, that is not true. I actually really like the shape and vibration of the Adore very much. I just feel there is room for improvement. The controls should be adjusted and the sound level brought down a bit to truely be “whisper quiet”. With these minor adjustments I think the Adore would be on the top of my favorites list.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Body & Soul™ Adore™  … 4 crops:

Drifting Away

Standing by an open grave in my mind

Thinking of what used to be

All the plans and opportunities

Lost forever now

Thoughts and memories drifting away

Why did we both refuse to see

What our stubborness would cost

No way back to where we were

Blame is shared by all, not just one

Words cause more pain than healing

Luxe Empower Massager by California Exotic Novelties

This month’s adult product is California Exotic Novelties’ Luxe Empower Massager. The Luxe Empower is made of silicone, requires 2 AAA batteries, is waterproof, and comes in your choice of three colors: black, blue, and pink. The model I reviewed was the black color, pictured to the left.

The Luxe Empower is advertised as ergonomically shaped, however I found it to be a bit bulky in my hand. I couldn’t quite figure out how to hold it for best stimulation. I’m not sure if this is because I am left-handed or if it is just a design issue. The main body of the vibrator fills up my entire hand with the tip extending over my closed fist like a small hook. I also found the selection/on-off buttons a bit hard to depress since they are small pressure-sensitive circular indentations.

The Luxe Empower has very few ridges so the stimulation mainly comes from the vibrations themselves. There are 7 different vibration patterns to choose from and if the vibrations were a bit more powerful I think they would have done the job quite well. The Luxe Empower is not very quiet, although it is advertised as “compact, powerful, and discreet”. I feel it is too large, bulky, and loud to be considered discreet.

In all fairness, not everyone wants or needs the same requirements from a toy, so the Luxe Empower may be the perfect toy for you; however, it just didn’t work well for me. I much prefer a smaller, quieter, textured massager.

I do want to mention that loading the batteries was a breeze compared to other vibrators I have reviewed. Kudos to California Exotic Novelties for finally addressing the issue of difficulty in loading batteries on waterproof toys.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Luxe Empower Massager …2 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Lia ® Encaser™ by California Exotic Novelties

This month’s adult product review is the Lia ® Encaser™ silicone vibrator by California Exotic Novelties. The Lia ® line of products includes six different styles to find your perfect match.

I knew as soon as I saw this beauty that I would enjoy it. As you know from reading my previous reviews, I am all about clitoral stimulation and this product is specifically made just for that purpose.

The Lia Encaser has ten functions of pulsation, escalation, and vibration. The controls are located on the angled upper end with an on/off push button and a separate push button for the function selection. Once you get the hang of which button is which, you have total control over your experience. The Lia Encaser is also waterproof for bath or shower-time fun.

Just from taking a quick look at this vibrator you can see why this selection from the Lia product line is called the Encaser. It has an indentation on the “business end” that snuggly cuddles your clitoral hood. Although a bit awkward at first due to the length, which I feel should be slightly shorter than the product’s 3.75″ length, the performance of the Lia Encaser outweighs any complaints I have about the length.

The Lia Encaser is a product made with a woman’s curves and intimate pleasure in mind. Whether using the Lia alone, or with a partner in the driver’s seat to tease and torment, this Lia is sure to please even the most discriminating female.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Lia ® Encaser™ … 4 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Posh ® Silicone Performance Kit™ by California Exotic Novelties

When this month’s product, the Posh ® Silicone Performance Kit™, arrived I was a bit apprehensive about my ability to review the product. I have never used an anal toy before and was hesitiant to try. I also knew that the cock rings would not be put to use for this review.

Being a sex positive person and blogger, I felt I owed it to Cal Exotics and my loyal blog readers to do the best job possible to review the Posh kit. So here it goes…

I want to start by telling you about the cock rings since I won’t be personally using this part of the kit. The Posh ® Silicone Performance Kit™ comes with three different sizes of rings so the man can get the perfect fit for him. There is a Large (1.75 inch diameter), Medium (1.5 inch diameter), and Small (1.25 inch diameter) ring provided in the Posh Performance kit, all made of body safe silicone. They are quite stretchy yet seem to be durable as well. I can compare them to other rings I have used in the past and these seem to be of a much better quality.

Important note/warning: use plenty of water-based lube. Since these are silicone toys, DO NOT USE silicone-based lube.

Now for the anal probe. The probe is about 4 inches long, 1.5 inches in diameter at the widest portion, and has a suction cup base. This would be handy for shower-time fun for a more experienced user. Myself, being a beginner, I just wanted to see if it was enjoyable at all. I much prefer to be on the giving end of anal play. First thing first, relaxing enough to attempt insertion. Some nice calming music and deep breathing had me ready to try. It was a bit difficult at first to get past the anal sphincter, but after that the probe seemed to go in much easier. There was some mild pain, but I attribute that to tension on my part. Maybe over time and with a partner I might enjoy the Posh ® Silicone Performance Kit™ more, but for right now lets just say anal toys are not my preference.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the  Posh ® Silicone Performance Kit™ …2 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Dr. Laura Berman ® Lottie™ 10-Function Remote Control Panty Pleaser by California Exotic Novelties

This month’s review is for the Dr. Laura Berman ® Lottie™ 10-Function Remote Control Panty Pleaser by California Exotic Novelties. This toy is visually pleasing right out of the package. The lines and contours of the shape, as well as the glossy black color make you think you are in for a fun experience. This product requires two AAA batteries that are not included. The Lottie is made of ABS material.

The 10-function settings range from standard vibrarion, to pulsation, to escalation modes. The vibration patterns are light to medium in strength, so if you want something strong – this may not be the product for you. I really appreciated the wireless control of the Lottie, not only because it fits well in your hand (right or left) and has a decent-sized control button, but also because wireless gives you more options for solo and couples play. Dr. Berman designed this line for couple’s therapy so this feature makes perfect sense. The massager portion is ergonomically designed to fit the contours of a woman’s body. As the full name of the Lottie implies, wearing the vibrating portion of the product inside your panties is recommended because you really do need pressure to make the vibrations have an effect. I recommend a tighter pair of panties for a more snug fit. Boy short-type panties might be an ideal choice. I had to put pressure on the Lottie, even through my panties, to have a decent vibration effect.

As I mentioned previously, there are several options I can think of off the top of my head for couples play including:

• Man controlling vibrations on woman
• Woman controlling vibrations using as a perineum massager on male
• Man directing use by woman
• Man watching woman pleasure herself
• Woman using on another woman

I’m sure there are probably more opportunities that I haven’t thought of as well.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Dr. Laura Berman ® Lottie™ 10-Function Remote Control Panty Pleaser … 3 crops:

    Review by NaughtyMuffin

Purple Purses

Everyone knows October is breast cancer awareness month. The media inundates us with this information all year and especially in October. Breast cancer is a worthy cause to support and I fully endorse any activities to support the cause.

However, many people are not aware that October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. To help support this cause, which affects many more women than breast cancer, the Allstate Foundation has sponsored the Purple Purse campaign to foster awareness of Domestic Violence and the resources available to those in need. Domestic Violence is not just physical abuse, it can also be emotional and mental abuse.

According to PurplePurse.com, one in four women are the victim of domestic violence at some point in their lifetime and an act of domestic violence occurs more than 145 times per hour in the United States alone. This is unacceptable. The people we love should not be permitted to abuse us just because we choose to love them.

DomesticViolence.org provides the definition that ”Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.

Examples of abuse include:

• name-calling or putdowns
• keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
• withholding money
• stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
• actual or threatened physical harm
• sexual assault
• stalking
• intimidation

Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.

The violence takes many forms and can happen all the time or once in a while. An important step to help yourself or someone you know in preventing or stopping violence is recognizing the warning signs listed on the Violence Wheel. ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM! Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems. “

I, for one, have been carrying my purple purse for the entire month of October.

Does it always match my clothes? No.

Do I care? No. It is more important to me to make a statement of support than to worry if I am fashionably dressed and my accessories match my clothing.

Do I think everyone knows why I am carrying that purple purse? No – but hopefully now my readers will know and will join me in supporting prevention of domestic violence in all its insidious forms.

If you are being abused, REMEMBER

1. You are not alone
2. It is not your fault
3. Help is available

 U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-7233

TTY 1-800-787-3224

Lighted Shimmers LED Turbo Teaser by California Exotic Novelties

What excited me most about receiving this product to review was the fact that it lights up. Call me silly or girly; I don’t care. The LED light just intrigued me. Maybe it was the thought of seeing it glow in my nether regions in the dark. I don’t know. It is just a fun feature even though it has no real purpose. You can also choose between a pink or blue LED light.

As you can see from the photo, this is not a cordless toy; however, the cord is long enough to not cause any issues. The controller of the Lighted Shimmers LED Turbo Teaser fits in the hand nicely and works well right or left-handed. The slide control on the side glides easily from off to full-power. My experience was that it really only has about three speeds. The packaging states multi-speed but doesn’t say how many to expect. I prefer toys with a wide variety of speeds.

The Lighted Shimmers LED Turbo Teaser ‘s stimulator has a different shape than most. Somewhat ergonomic. What I like about it is that it is somewhat insertable and safely allows just the tip to be inserted for internal stimulations; an option not available on most toys of this type. Both the controller and stimulator are made of ABS with silver plating. The Lighted Shimmers requires 3 AA batteries.

I enjoyed this toy and my only recommendations for improvement would be:

- cordless
- more speed options
- textured tip on the stimulator

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Lighted Shimmers LED Turbo Teaser … 3 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Crystal Balls by California Exotic Novelties

The product I received from California Exotic Novelties this month was the Crystal Balls hand-blown glass duotone pleasure balls with pink hearts. I have tried this type of product in the past and was willing to give this example a try as well.

The packaging leaves a bit to be desired since there is no box. You receive the metal heart-shaped tin with tape across the top to keep the lid from coming off. Upon opening the box, however, the balls were held in a nice silk-like material formed to fit the shape of the balls. The size of each pleasure ball was large but not so large as to be scary to use.

I searched for usage instructions and found none. I feel this is a beginner “toy” so should come with directions for use and care/cleaning. Even though I know how to use the Crystal Balls, I decided to try to find instructions for use on the Internet. It was easy enough to Google, so any beginner should have no trouble doing the same.

My impression of the Crystal Balls pleasure balls was less than stellar. Insertion was simple. The balls stayed in place just fine. My vagina had a ”full” feeling but not uncomfortable in any way. There was very little movement of the balls though. Not enough to create any sensation, pleasurable or otherwise. I tried doing Kegel exercises…nothing. I tried rocking back and forth…nothing. I even tried using a vibrator with the Crystal Balls inserted and noticed no real difference between having them inserted or not inserted.

Your experience may vary, as with all things, but this product did nothing for me. I do think it is rather pretty though. It might make a nice bachelorette gift or naughty gift exchange item.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Crystal Balls … 1 crop:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Charisma Kiss by California Exotic Novelties

When I first opened the box, pulled out the packing materials, and saw the Charisma Kiss I thought this was going to be a great selection for me. It appeared to be almost everything I like in a toy. There are 10 functions of vibration, pulsation, and escalation; which I really enjoy. It is also a perfect size for solo pleasure. The body is rippled so it could be used for insertion if you were so inclined. Personally I don’t get much pleasure from inserting toys but I saw right away how use was possible. This is just a visually appealling massager. I was eager to give it a try.

The Charisma Kiss is available in black and pink colors. I received the black one for review. The functions are easily controlled by a push button on the bottom end. A single push each time will cycle through each setting. Holding the button down will turn off the massager. When you turn the Kiss back on it will remember the last setting you used. As far as design, this is the best toy I have received for review so far.

The material of the Charisma Kiss is ABS with PU Cote and has a silver plated decorative ring. It take one AA battery. The Kiss is also waterproof for extra play options.

For some reason the Charisma Kiss just didn’t do it for me. The vibrations were great but it just couldn’t push me over the edge. This review is my personal opinion and experience. Your results may vary.

As for partner play, although the toy is small enough for anal use, without a base I do not recommend it for safety reasons. It could be used on the testicles for a fun tease, on the perineum, or even possibly the nipples (of either sex).

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Charisma Kiss …2 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Phil Varone Pierced Rocker by California Exotic Novelties

California Exotic Novelties sent me a product that you need a partner to properly test, so I had to enlist some help.

The body (erection enhancer) of the Phil Varone Pierced Rocker is very stretchy, made of TPR, and will fit most penis sizes. It is supposed to add girth and support. The testicular support ring is also quite stretchy - but don’t stretch too far or you might run the risk of breaking the loop. The beaver-like teaser is similar to a rabbit or dolphin-type clitoral stimulator with the exception of the nickel-free stainless steel barbell added to the mouth area for extra stimulation. There is also an optional use single speed bullet-style waterproof mini-vibe, for added stimulation, that slides into a pouch at the top of the erection enhancer for easy access to the on/off button.

I have to  disclose that I am not a fan of the rabbit vibrator or any similar vibrators. I have a very compact pubic area and these type of stimulators hit too high, ending up on my pubic bone instead of my clitoris. I still wanted to give the product a fair try though.

As expected, it hit too high or slid to the side and was vibrating my upper inner thigh. I also found that the product seemed to chafe my vaginal area causing discomfort during use. I don’t know if this was due to the added girth of my partner wearing the Phil Varone Pierced Rocker or caused by the material itself. I tend to believe it was just from the girth because I feel fine today. Either way it was coitus-interuptus. No more for me.

Now for the male perspective. My partner found wearing the Phil Varone Pierced Rocker to be a strange experience. He felt that it cut off too much sensation and made it more difficult to maintain an erection, instead of enhancing his erection. The enhancer covered his penis pretty much from base to tip due to the stretchiness of the material. His penis is not small (or even average in size) so this was surprising as the product doesn’t look that long straight out of the packaging  (3 inch length according to the box). He was willing to continue with the testing until I told him of my discomfort, so we stopped and removed the product.

I would probably recommend this to a woman who likes rabbit vibrators and doesn’t mind added girth. It could give a man a “size complex” if he expects to see skin at the end of the enhancer portion, so beware of your male partner’s ego and at least warn him about the stretchiness.

Even though the Phil Varone Pierced Rocker is not for me, you may find it to be just right for you. This review is my personal opinion and experience. Your results may vary.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Phil Varone Pierced Rocker  … 1 crop:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Challenging Myself

I hate to admit it but I’m not getting any younger. I’m not going to get thinner by sitting on my ass and hoping. So if I want to get healthier then I have to do something about it and quit just hoping it will happen on its own. I was looking for something to help motivate me and stumbled across the Fitbit Ultra. At first it seemed just like a ultra-fancy pedometer – but it is much more. Plus it happened to be on special at a local big box retailer with a $10 gift card promotion. So I figure “why not” and decided to give it a try. I can always return it if I hate it or don’t use it.

The Fitbit Ultra comes in plum (pink) or blue. I chose the plum because, well, I am a girl and I figured it would be easier to locate with the brighter color. Actually the color is only on the interior of the product; the exterior is all black. The package includes the Fitbit device, a belt clip for use with thicker materials, a wrist band for use when sleeping or no place to clip the Fitbit, and the base station. You set up the Fitbit by creating an account on their website and downloading a small program onto your computer. Very user-friendly and easy.

Then you plug the base station into a USB port, place the Fitbit Ultra on the base station and charge it up. Once completely charged, in about an hour, you are ready to go. The charge will last approximately 5-7 days before you have to charge it again. Any time you come within 15 feet of any Fitbit base station (yours or someone else’s) and remain semi-motionless for more than a minute, the base station uploads your data into your Fitbit account. Quite convenient.

The Fitbit Ultra is lightweight (.4 oz.) and can be placed inside a pocket or clipped anywhere on your clothing. You don’t have to wear it on your waist like a traditional pedometer.You can set up a weight loss and fitness plan from within the web account which will give you daily goals to reach for steps taken, calories burned, floors climbed, miles traveled, and an activity goal. Fitbit Ultra will even track your sleep and tell you how long it took you to fall asleep, how many times you awakened during the night, and how many total hours you actually slept. I like this feature because I tend not to sleep very well most nights. To track sleep and certain activities such as work-outs or low motion exercises like yoga you must enter into the activity mode on your Fitbit device but it is as simple as holding the button down until the stopwatch begins and then holding it down again until it says STOP when the activity is completed.

You can also link your Fitbit to apps and programs like Twitter, WordPress, Foursquare, Microsoft HealthVault, Endomondo, Earndit, and Facebook. This allows you to be even more motivated and earn special badges and rewards from the various apps. Your Fitbit account also comes with a Community message board where you can join groups, have discussions, and “friend” people who are also using Fibit to improve their health.

Fitbit even has their own app for Android and iPhone that allows you to log your daily food and water intake on the go. This helps you not forget to record everything you eat and drink in a day. Those “forgotten” foods can add up more than you realize.

I have been using the Fibit Ultra for three days now and I really like using it. Maybe it is the social integration features or just the novelty of a new piece of technology to play with, but I hope the fascination lasts and I stick to my fitness plan. I wear my Fitbit Ultra constantly except when bathing since it is not waterproof. That would be a great improvement to the product, especially considering the cost of the Fitbit product. Even water-resistant would be a plus.

I plan to have the Fitbit Ultra post weekly updates of my progress here and on Twitter, using the app integration features, so you can see how things are going for me. Ask any questions you might have about the product or my progress and please help support me on my fitness journey.

CONTEST – Win Dress Your Kitty Pocket Panties

Okay readers. Time for some fun. Wanna win a pair of Pocket Panties from Dress Your Kitty?

The owner of Dress Your Kitty has graciously offered me a pair to give away in a contest on my site.

So here’s the deal:

1. Write me an email and tell me why you deserve to win the Pocket Panties from Dress Your Kitty
2. Email your submission to NaughtyMuffin@live.com before 12:00pm Eastern Time on  Thursday, May 17, 2012
3. Earn bonus points towards your submission by sharing the contest on Twitter (please include your Twitter username in your email if you do so). Be sure to include @NaughtyMuffin in your tweet so I see the share and can credit you appropriately. DO NOT become guilty of Twitter Spamming.
4. The winner will be notified by email on or before Sunday, May 20, 2012 and arrangements will be made for delivery of your prize.

That’s it. Pretty easy, huh? So get writing and let me see how creative you can be. I can’t wait to hear why you deserve to win.

Follow me on Twitter:  @NaughtyMuffin

Follow Dress Your Kitty on Twitter: @DressYourKitty

Dress Your Kitty Black Lace & Leopard Print Pocket Panties

This review is for a product every woman should own: Dress Your Kitty Pocket Panties.

These wonderful panties are available in various sizes, colors, and styles. Each pair of panties is also hand-decorated with Swarovski crystals so every pair is unique. You can even get custom panties after discussing your idea with the owner. She is always open to new ideas.

The pair I received to review was the Black Lace & Leopard Print thong panties. Although the panties are the main point of the review, I have to discuss the packaging because it is an important part of the product too. Every pair of panties comes in a square-shaped black velour “envelope” with a metal hook-and-eye fastener and decorated with a red  Swarovski crystal heart in the lower left corner. It will fit in most purses, unless the handbag is quite small. This package allows the discreet carrying of the spare pair of panties. Now you can have a fresh pair of panties any time, anywhere, and no one will be the wiser.

The panties themselves appear to be of good quality. The fit is true to size and they are quite comfortable to wear. The lace is not stiff at all. These panties can be worn all day long if you desire even though the concept is to carry them with you as a spare pair. That way if you find yourself in need of a clean pair due to unforseen events during your day, or you just feel the need for a clean pair to combat that “not so fresh” feeling, or you suddenly find yourself with a spur of the moment intimate rendezvous when you wore a less than sexy pair of panties out the door that morning – Dress Your Kitty Pocket Panties will come to your rescue. Another nice feature is that you can wash and re-use the panties, just like all your other panties, although they are so cute that I would recommend having multiple pairs and styles on hand.

I can think of many ways that Dress Your Kitty Pocket Panties could be incorporated into romantic teasing and play. Imagine if you will, handing you partner the black velour packet and telling him to “take a peek because this is what you will be taking off of me later tonight”. Or asking your partner to select a pair and put them in your purse so you can change into them secretly during the evening’s activities. He will know at some point that you will be wearing them but he won’t know when, so he will be filled with anticipation and curiousity. The possibilites are endless with just a bit of thought and a dash of creativity.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives Dress Your Kitty Pocket Panties … 4 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Follow Dress Your Kitty on Twitter: @DressYourKitty

Jumpin’ Gyrator Rocket by California Exotic Novelties

After my last go-round with a California Exotic Novelties toy I was looking forward to testing out this product. The Jumpin’ Gyrator Rocket massager comes in three colors: pink, blue, and purple. I received the pink color, which was fine by me. I grabbed three AA batteries (not included) and inserted then into the back battery panel, which was quite easy to open and close. This product has a wired remote control. The handheld portion is ergonomic although slightly large. The Jumpin’ Gyrator has a slide intensity control on the left side, but can easily be flipped over if you prefer to use the other hand. There is no on/off button or switch; using theslide control, all the way to the bottom is off and all the way to the top is the highest-speed.

The first thing I noticed when picking up the Jumpin’ Gyrator is that this toy has a wide diameter, much wider than the picture portrays. Immediately I thought of penetration - but this toy is too large for me to comfortably accommodate. I guess this option comes down to personal preference. The packaging states for external use only. It is not waterproof and should not be submerged in water.

The vibrations are intense. Even the lowest speed packs some serious vibration. If you need time to pleasure yourself this toy is going to give you numb fingers. Because of the shape there is really nowhere to hold the massager comfortably if the vibrations cause numbness or discomfort in your fingers or hand. This toy is also very loud.

I felt that the Jumpin’ Gyrator Rocket massager is not a good match for me personally because of:

• size/width
• shape
• finger numbness experienced
• no nubs or tips for direct clitoral massage

Next I turned my thoughts towards partner play. In my opinion, this would not accommodate many situations for use on a male partner other than scrotum vibrating. Due to the intensity of the vibrations I think the issue of numbness for the hand holding the Jumpin’ Gyrator would make this a short-term endeavor, if at all.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Jumpin’ Gyrator Rocket …2 crops:

 

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Gyration Sensations by California Exotic Novelties

I was quite excited to receive my first item for review from California Exotic Novelties . Like a little kid, I tore open the box to see what was inside. Imagine my surprise to see the Gyration Sensations Gyrating Contour Teaser looking like some type of neon green alien creature. But who am I to complain? I figure I’ll let the product prove itself and boy am I glad I did. This odd looking toy packs some powerful vibrations. With ten different speed/pulsation/vibration options and four choices of contact points (smooth, ridged, cup, and teaser) there is sure to be just the right one for everyone.

My personal preference is a combo of speed, pulsation, and vibration using the cup or ridged surface. But, of course, I had to try them all to see what worked best. This powerful little package did the job in no time. Multiple times. The controls on the remote are easy to access and the only thing better would be a more ergonomic curved shape to better fit the hand. I have no complaints about this toy other than it is on the loud side (definitely not a discreet toy) and after a while the vibrations from holding the egg portion make your hand a bit numb. Probably not an issue unless you are going for a marathon orgasm session.

I can definitely see the possibilities for partner play with this toy since the cupped section would fit against a testicle nicely. The teaser nub would be the just right size for a perenium massage as well. The possibilities are only limited by the boundaries of your dirty little mind. Cal Exotics has outdone themselves with this strange little green sex toy.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Gyration Sensations …4 crops:

   

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Mistakes

I should have predicted this from the start. But I didn’t want to admit that once again I would ruin things for myself. I started to rekindle a relationship that had no hope of surviving since I continued to lie to myself and everyone else involved in my life.

You all know from my previous posts Conflicted and Confused and Still Conflicted that I was trying to get back together with my ex-husband. Well many lies and apologies and excuses and tears later he has said that it won’t work out for us. He required that I make some hard choices without a chance to think about them. These requests were non-negotiable for him. I refused to make those choices without time to consider the potential results. So he cut contact with me. I’m sad about this but could have predicted it. I should have been more honest from the beginning. I hope he reconsiders sometime down the road, but if not – at least I know he still cares deeply. He will always hold a place in my heart.

There is one good thing that has happened recently though. I did get my own place. I rented a 2-bedroom townhouse close to my job. My 45-minute commute is now 5-minutes. I’m excitedly moving into my new place this week. This will be an adventure since I have never lived alone. Stay tuned…

Tingle Me by Silky Vibration

The first thing that struck me about the Tingle Me by Silky Vibration was the packaging. It is very elegant and classy. The packaging has a lift-open front panel so you can see the product inside, but without opening the panel, the packaging is very discreet and attractive. The Tingle Me is a light pink, heart-shaped, medical-grade silicone clitoral vibe, or panty massager, that is single-use and disposable. It comes with a sticker-type adhesive to adhere it to your panties. Upon first appearance it doesn’t seem like it would pack much of a punch but this little vibe has a pleasant sensation guaranteed to tease, if not satisfy. If you like a stronger direct vibration you may wish to place a little added pressure to the Tingle Me.

I placed the Tingle Me into my panties and adjusted it before adhering the adhesive strip. Upon pressing the top to turn it on I was pleased with the vibrations produced. It definitely got a response. However, it just wasn’t enough to push me over the edge. I found that by just placing my hand over the Tingle Me it gave the added pressure I needed to make me orgasm. The sound from the vibration is low enough that it wouldn’t be noticed in a normal environment but might be heard if in a quiet location.

Overall I think this is a nice vibe for teasing yourself prior to, or during, an evening out with your lover. For me, it wouldn’t work well walking around, but in a seated position with some added pressure it would make me squirm. I recommend the Tingle Me for those who like light but steady vibrations, the easily orgasmic, beginners, and those looking for some extra stimulation to get the juices flowing and make the evening a bit more fun.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Tingle Me…3 crops:

 

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Still Conflicted

This is an update to the “Conflicted and Confused” post I made last month. The weekend after I made that post I went back up north to visit with my ex for the weekend. We talked a lot and realized we do still love each other but we have a lot of work to do to rebuild our relationship. I am going up there again this weekend to visit with him some more.

I say “still conflicted” because I worry that we will become complacent and start making the same mistakes over again. I am concerned because this will be a long-distance relationship, by my choice, for quite some time. I need to be sure this is what is going to be best for me and my family.

If I decide to move him down here to be with me it is going to be a huge adjustment for everyone in my family. Not all my family is happy I want to try with him again. We had some rough times that got kinda nasty verbally and emotionally. But I forgive him because I know the stress he was under and his motivation behind saying the things he did. I said some things I’m not proud of too so I’m not innocent in that regard. But often relationships end badly. At least we have the option to make it better. Not everyone gets a second chance.

I also am considering moving into my own place in the next few months just to get some space and time alone to think. Just me and my dog, with my daughter over on the weekends. I have never lived alone so this will be a new experience for me. But I am sort of looking forward to it…like a new adventure. It might be nice to be on my own for a while.

I know there are people that will be upset by this post. I’m sorry if anyone is upset by the way I feel and the words I put to “paper”. But sometimes blogging is about getting your feelings out and this is what I am doing. It is therapeutic for me. I hate feeling that there are things I can’t share because someone will be upset by the posts. Unfortunately, I often feel that way so I write nothing and it just all simmers inside. Once again, like the post linked above, no comments will be allowed. Contact me directly if you know me and have advice or support.

Many Faces

 Most of us have many “faces” we put on in public and in private. Some are for show, some are for play, and some are for safety. Yet other faces are the real person that very few know. We tend to hide away the real “self” and only let a select few see that true face.

 Is this wrong?

 Is this deceitful?

 Or is it just normal?

I myself have many faces, some public and some private. Just to name a few:

mother                    daughter                    grandmother                    teacher
student                    professional               friend                                 Mistress
lover                        queen                         princess                             seductress

Some people know me in multiple roles, while others only know a select few. But it is MY choice who I let see these faces. It is the one thing I can control in my life.

Very few people can go through life completely open, honest, and “nothing to hide”. I’m not sure if I envy those people…or pity them.

Conflicted and Confused

My life has been one big ball of stress and doubt lately. In addition to that my personal life is a disaster waiting to happen. Of course I opened the door on this mess, as usual.

I haven’t written much about my ex-husband and I don’t intend to go into a ton of detail right now. Suffice it to say I did some things that were wrong, told some lies, and refused to make important decisions. So he divorced me. I did not want the divorce but also didn’t have the strength to fight it as effectively as I should have done. I later found out my lawyer had not been completely honest with me; telling me one thing and my husband’s attorney the complete opposite. But it is hard to select a lawyer from 1100 miles away and I wasn’t financially able to fly there to interview prospective attorneys to represent me. So I did the best I could on a referral from an attorney I trusted. Just one more mistake in my life. The divorce was finalized. Many hurt feelings remained.

Back to present day…

When I went back to Ohio for the holidays, two weeks ago, I emailed my ex to let him know I was in town. We had not communicated at all in the past seven months. A decision was made to meet to talk. We met at a restaurant and talked about mostly mundane things for about an hour. Then we went our separate ways. But since then we have been texting and talking more. I still love him. He still loves me. We admit we made mistakes along the way and could have done things differently. But can we make it work again?

We both have trust issues. There is the distance to consider. Can a long-distance relationship with so much baggage survive and thrive? I want to take this slowly. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I don’t want to make new mistakes. I don’t want my heart ripped apart again. I don’t want to hurt my family, friends, or loved ones who suffered though the divorce and aftermath with me. Some of them understand why I am choosing to look back down this path and others just think I’m asking for more trouble. But they are being supportive and I am grateful for that. This decision is one I have to make on my own.

I generally am happy to accept comments, suggestions, and opinions…but this time I have disabled comments. I know you want to help me, but I need to go this alone. Those of you who truly know me also know how to reach me if you want to talk to me about this. I am grateful for all my readers. I never thought anyone would care enough to read my blog. But I guess they do. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Updates will follow. I promise.

Home for the Holidays

 

Don’t read this if you aren’t interested in my boring life history.
Nothing racy, sexy, or naughty in this posting.

 

I went back to Ohio right after Christmas. I posted about that plan a while ago. I wanted to see my son and granddaughter, as well as let my daughter see her grandparents and father. Our relationships are dysfunctional at best. We try to tolerate each other but sometimes it is hard. Mostly with the ex and his family. They tried to legally take my daughter away from me when I decided to move to Florida so it is very difficult to deal with them at all. My son and I get along fine but his father has custody of his daughter (my granddaughter) so I’m still stuck with the same trauma. I should write a book, right? LOL

What I wasn’t intentionally planning on doing was seeing my ex-husband (marriage #2). But I told him I was going to be in town and we got together at a restaurant to talk. Seeing him created even more confusion for me. Last time I saw him a year ago, he wasn’t taking care of himself and was having all sorts of issues with his teen daughter. Since then he sent her to live with her mother. Not ideal but the best he could do in that situation. He looks to be taking better care of himself but still not as well as he should. I know he will be reading this post since I know he now reads my blog (due to an info slip on my part). Makes it a bit more difficult to write but things need to come out… for my well-being.

I still care deeply about him. I never stopped. You see I came to polyamory the wrong way. I cheated on him to be with another, after much stress and strife, and then ended up being poly. So all of you who look to me as an example of how poly can work…you are idolizing a lie. Poly can work but it should be open and honest from the very first second. Something I didn’t do. Learn from my mistakes please.

I don’t suggest anyone do it the way I did because it only leads to heartbreak and pain. I wanted him to be part of my poly life but he is monogamous to his core. All I did was hurt and destroy him. So he filed for divorce and rid me from his life the best he could. Not too hard when I live in FL and he lives in OH. Of course he would tell you that he never could rid me from his life or mind, and he was always in the back of my mind as well. So seeing him brought emotions tumbling out for both of us. We were married 10 years, together for 12, so we have lots of history. We raised children together – 2 of mine and 2 of his but none of our own - as custodial parents. That amount of time and life doesn’t just disappear because you are apart. Especially when you don’t pretend that you hate each other.

I’m glossing over a lot of things that were said and done during this time. Not because they aren’t important but because they have no relevance to this story. Hell, I’m not sure anything has any relevance but my fingers won’t stop typing.

I guess what I am trying to say is seeing him made me start to re-evaluate what I want in life for the future. Do I want to continue to live the life I have or do I want to consider the monogamous path once again? There are things I like about both roads. One lets me share love with many, the other lets me have just one to call my very own. One offers variety, one offers stability and constancy. The same as with most life choices, there is no middle road. A choice must be made. I fear making the wrong choice and losing once again.

I’m going to stop for now but I’m sure more will come spewing out later until I figure out the next turn on my life’s path. Thanks for reading if you’re still with me. I appreciate every last one of you who reads my ramblings.