Every little girl grows up thinking there can be a “happily ever after” with her “prince charming” who will love only her forever and ever. Yet there comes a time when we aren’t little girls anymore and we are exposed to the harsh reality of life, love, and relationships. This is usually heartbreaking and emotional. Hopefully you have a good support system to get you through the tough times. This is when we appreciate our girlfriends the most.

I guess what I’m getting at is that there is no “true” monogamy. If there was, then every guy/girl would unconditionally commit to the first girl or guy he/she has sex with and they both would have been virgins, and they will mate for life never having had sex with anyone but their special partner. Of course, there probably are a few couples out there that meet this definition. To you I say, Congratulations from the bottom of my heart. You are the rarest of the rare in the relationship universe.

The rest of us have most likely engaged in serial monogamy at some point in our life. Probably a long string of serially monogamous relationships. We meet someone, fall in lust, have great sex, become a couple, maybe fall in love…and at some point in time one of the pair decides that the relationship isn’t working anymore. So they split, amicably or not, and both move on to the next relationship.

Then there are a wide variety of relationship types that fall outside of these two scenarios. The “alternative” relationship models. This could include casual dating, polyamory, swinging, open relationships, friends with benefits … anything that is not monogamy.

Although society would have us believe that these types of relationships are WRONG, I have come to believe that these types of relationships are more common than anyone wants us to believe because that outcome goes against the ingrained monogamy myth. Even if you aren’t religious, and getting your sexual morals from organized religion, most of us were still taught that we should grow up, get married, have children, and grow old together as a twosome.

What is so wrong with having sex with others? I don’t mean cheating, which is not the best thing to do in a relationship, although I have been guilty of that in the past. I mean having a conversation with your significant other and coming to an agreement that it is okay if you desire other people and want to explore that sexual attraction. Humans are sexual beings. We have wants and desires that may not be met by only one person in our lives. Maybe we just want something a little different from what we have now. It doesn’t mean we care about our partner any less or that they are lacking in a particular area. It just means we are exploring our sexuality.

As human beings we have the capacity to choose. We were gifted with free will. Our partners should realize we choose to be with them even if we also choose to want to explore with others. It doesn’t mean we love them less or they are failing at something. It doesn’t mean we are “leaving” them. It just means that we want to explore and experience life. The key to surviving is communication. Without communication things can go seriously wrong and feelings can be hurt. Nobody wants to intentionally hurt a person they care about. At least I hope not.

But many people have trouble communicating their desires. On the other hand, many people have trouble accepting that their partner desires another. Non-monogamy is difficult. It takes a strong relationship to withstand it. I have seen many relationships fail when attempting to think outside the relationship box and the monogamy myth. Some find that they can’t handle it even when they thought they could, others find that it wasn’t what they wanted but the original relationship is so damaged that there is no way back. I don’t know if better communication could have salvaged things or not. Each relationship is unique.

I admit, communication is something I am learning. My past experiences taught me to hide all types of things so it is hard to re-learn to be open and honest. Especially about my feelings. But I’m trying and doing and hopefully succeeding. I can’t change the past but I can work hard to shape the future and not make the same mistakes.

Those of you who are regular readers know there was a time I believed myself to be polyamorous. I can truthfully say that emotionally I am polyamorous. I can love more than one person at a time and freely do so. But my heart has been put through the ringer by a loved one and I did nothing to stop the pain until very recently.

I don’t feel ready to have more than one serious relationship. Right now, I want my primary relationship as well as some friends with benefits. I want an open relationship. I want to have fun, explore sexually, do the things I never did as a young adult. I want to date without the expectation of a serious relationship. I want to see what it is like to be desired and act on that desire without fear of repercussions. To not have to hide the fact that I am sexually attracted to another person.

Most of all I want to know that my boyfriend will accept my desires and be happy for me that I am making myself happy and that it doesn’t mean I care about him less. I want to experience a relationship without jealousy. One with compersion. A relationship without demands and unreasonable expectations. In return I give my gratitude and appreciation to him for being the bigger man and seeing that confining me won’t make me stay. It would only make me unhappy and more likely to leave.

The silicone Butterfly Kiss is, obviously, made of body-safe silicone with three vibration speeds for your customized pleasure. It has two motors to keep you going, running on two AAA batteries, and is waterproof for bath time fun. You can even choose between pink and purple. I reviewed the purple model, pictured here. The control button is located on the very end and operates with a simple push. I think the control button could be made more user-friendly but it really doesn’t detract much from the operation of this particular toy.

One thing I must stress with a product of this type: please use plenty of water-based lubricant. It will definitely add to your experience and pleasure. You should always use water-based lubricant with silicone toys. Silicone lubricant can damage your silicone toys, even if the toys are pure 100% silicone, like the Butterfly Kiss.

I grabbed my favorite water-based lubricant and applied a decent amount to the shaft, adding a bit more to the butterfly portion since that area was more likely to need some extra glide. I found the shaft slid right in without any issue and the butterfly snuggled right up against my body. With a slight adjustment to make the butterfly fit even closer to my clitoris, I pressed the power button. I was pleasantly surprised, compared to previous experiences with these types of toys, at how smoothly the Butterfly Kiss operated. After a warm-up, I stepped up to the second speed and added a bit of pressure. Within seconds this toy jumped to being one of my favorites. Having vibrations inside and out pushed me over the edge just right. The shaft was perfectly sized and not uncomfortable in the least. The butterfly did its job without complaint.

My concerns for this toy are the power button, mentioned previously, and the noise level. On the lowest speed, this toy is fairly quiet. The second speed is a bit louder but still within normal limits. However, I found the third speed to be just too loud. Noise levels concern me as I don’t live alone and don’t want the world to know what I am doing in my bedroom and when. Even with the noise issue, the Butterfly Kiss is definitely now ranked among my top toys for overall performance and comfort. Guess I better go buy some more lube.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Silicone Butterfly Kiss … 4 crops:

First some details about the product itself. The Adore only weight 1.5 ounces, is 3.25 inches long, and feels great in your hand. It is made of ABS with PU Cote Satin Finish™ (for that silky smooth feel), has a silicone push button, and a silver-plated decorative ring. Only one AA-battery is required to power this three-speed beauty.

The Adore is advertised as “whisper quiet” but I found the second and third speeds to be loud, especially the highest (third) vibration level. Fortunately for me, the second speed was my preferred level.  Some people need their toys to be almost silent, depending on their living conditions. So if a product is advertised as “whisper quiet” it really should be almost silent.

I found the push button control on the Adore to be hard to navigate. I’m not sure if it is because I am left-handed or because the control is located on the side that faces the body when in use. Either way, I had to stop using the Adore and turn it over to adjust the vibration level. I didn’t care for the interruption and felt the button was difficult to push. I had to press it several times before hitting it just the right way to change settings. You also have to cycle through every setting to get to the OFF position.

Now before you start thinking that I am feeling negatively towards the Adore, that is not true. I actually really like the shape and vibration of the Adore very much. I just feel there is room for improvement. The controls should be adjusted and the sound level brought down a bit to truely be “whisper quiet”. With these minor adjustments I think the Adore would be on the top of my favorites list.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Body & Soul™ Adore™  … 4 crops:

Thinking of what used to be

All the plans and opportunities

Lost forever now

Thoughts and memories drifting away

Why did we both refuse to see

What our stubborness would cost

No way back to where we were

Blame is shared by all, not just one

Words cause more pain than healing

The Luxe Empower is advertised as ergonomically shaped, however I found it to be a bit bulky in my hand. I couldn’t quite figure out how to hold it for best stimulation. I’m not sure if this is because I am left-handed or if it is just a design issue. The main body of the vibrator fills up my entire hand with the tip extending over my closed fist like a small hook. I also found the selection/on-off buttons a bit hard to depress since they are small pressure-sensitive circular indentations.

The Luxe Empower has very few ridges so the stimulation mainly comes from the vibrations themselves. There are 7 different vibration patterns to choose from and if the vibrations were a bit more powerful I think they would have done the job quite well. The Luxe Empower is not very quiet, although it is advertised as “compact, powerful, and discreet”. I feel it is too large, bulky, and loud to be considered discreet.

In all fairness, not everyone wants or needs the same requirements from a toy, so the Luxe Empower may be the perfect toy for you; however, it just didn’t work well for me. I much prefer a smaller, quieter, textured massager.

I do want to mention that loading the batteries was a breeze compared to other vibrators I have reviewed. Kudos to California Exotic Novelties for finally addressing the issue of difficulty in loading batteries on waterproof toys.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Luxe Empower Massager …2 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

I knew as soon as I saw this beauty that I would enjoy it. As you know from reading my previous reviews, I am all about clitoral stimulation and this product is specifically made just for that purpose.

The Lia Encaser has ten functions of pulsation, escalation, and vibration. The controls are located on the angled upper end with an on/off push button and a separate push button for the function selection. Once you get the hang of which button is which, you have total control over your experience. The Lia Encaser is also waterproof for bath or shower-time fun.

Just from taking a quick look at this vibrator you can see why this selection from the Lia product line is called the Encaser. It has an indentation on the “business end” that snuggly cuddles your clitoral hood. Although a bit awkward at first due to the length, which I feel should be slightly shorter than the product’s 3.75″ length, the performance of the Lia Encaser outweighs any complaints I have about the length.

The Lia Encaser is a product made with a woman’s curves and intimate pleasure in mind. Whether using the Lia alone, or with a partner in the driver’s seat to tease and torment, this Lia is sure to please even the most discriminating female.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Lia ® Encaser™ … 4 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

Being a sex positive person and blogger, I felt I owed it to Cal Exotics and my loyal blog readers to do the best job possible to review the Posh kit. So here it goes…

I want to start by telling you about the cock rings since I won’t be personally using this part of the kit. The Posh ® Silicone Performance Kit™ comes with three different sizes of rings so the man can get the perfect fit for him. There is a Large (1.75 inch diameter), Medium (1.5 inch diameter), and Small (1.25 inch diameter) ring provided in the Posh Performance kit, all made of body safe silicone. They are quite stretchy yet seem to be durable as well. I can compare them to other rings I have used in the past and these seem to be of a much better quality.

Important note/warning: use plenty of water-based lube. Since these are silicone toys, DO NOT USE silicone-based lube.

Now for the anal probe. The probe is about 4 inches long, 1.5 inches in diameter at the widest portion, and has a suction cup base. This would be handy for shower-time fun for a more experienced user. Myself, being a beginner, I just wanted to see if it was enjoyable at all. I much prefer to be on the giving end of anal play. First thing first, relaxing enough to attempt insertion. Some nice calming music and deep breathing had me ready to try. It was a bit difficult at first to get past the anal sphincter, but after that the probe seemed to go in much easier. There was some mild pain, but I attribute that to tension on my part. Maybe over time and with a partner I might enjoy the Posh ® Silicone Performance Kit™ more, but for right now lets just say anal toys are not my preference.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the  Posh ® Silicone Performance Kit™ …2 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin

The 10-function settings range from standard vibrarion, to pulsation, to escalation modes. The vibration patterns are light to medium in strength, so if you want something strong – this may not be the product for you. I really appreciated the wireless control of the Lottie, not only because it fits well in your hand (right or left) and has a decent-sized control button, but also because wireless gives you more options for solo and couples play. Dr. Berman designed this line for couple’s therapy so this feature makes perfect sense. The massager portion is ergonomically designed to fit the contours of a woman’s body. As the full name of the Lottie implies, wearing the vibrating portion of the product inside your panties is recommended because you really do need pressure to make the vibrations have an effect. I recommend a tighter pair of panties for a more snug fit. Boy short-type panties might be an ideal choice. I had to put pressure on the Lottie, even through my panties, to have a decent vibration effect.

As I mentioned previously, there are several options I can think of off the top of my head for couples play including:

• Man controlling vibrations on woman
• Woman controlling vibrations using as a perineum massager on male
• Man directing use by woman
• Man watching woman pleasure herself
• Woman using on another woman

I’m sure there are probably more opportunities that I haven’t thought of as well.

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Dr. Laura Berman ® Lottie™ 10-Function Remote Control Panty Pleaser … 3 crops:

    Review by NaughtyMuffin

However, many people are not aware that October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. To help support this cause, which affects many more women than breast cancer, the Allstate Foundation has sponsored the Purple Purse campaign to foster awareness of Domestic Violence and the resources available to those in need. Domestic Violence is not just physical abuse, it can also be emotional and mental abuse.

According to PurplePurse.com, one in four women are the victim of domestic violence at some point in their lifetime and an act of domestic violence occurs more than 145 times per hour in the United States alone. This is unacceptable. The people we love should not be permitted to abuse us just because we choose to love them.

DomesticViolence.org provides the definition that ”Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.

Examples of abuse include:

• name-calling or putdowns
• keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
• withholding money
• stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
• actual or threatened physical harm
• sexual assault
• stalking
• intimidation

Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.

The violence takes many forms and can happen all the time or once in a while. An important step to help yourself or someone you know in preventing or stopping violence is recognizing the warning signs listed on the Violence Wheel. ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM! Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems. “

I, for one, have been carrying my purple purse for the entire month of October.

Does it always match my clothes? No.

Do I care? No. It is more important to me to make a statement of support than to worry if I am fashionably dressed and my accessories match my clothing.

Do I think everyone knows why I am carrying that purple purse? No – but hopefully now my readers will know and will join me in supporting prevention of domestic violence in all its insidious forms.

If you are being abused, REMEMBER

1. You are not alone
2. It is not your fault
3. Help is available

 U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-7233

TTY 1-800-787-3224

Filed under: Journaling ]]> http://muffinspeaks.wordpress.com/2012/10/24/purple-purses/feed/ 0 naughtymuffin breast cancer awareness PURPLE-PURSE-LOGO-WEB silence http://muffinspeaks.wordpress.com/2012/09/28/lighted-shimmers/ http://muffinspeaks.wordpress.com/2012/09/28/lighted-shimmers/#comments Fri, 28 Sep 2012 19:26:04 +0000 Naughty Muffin http://muffinspeaks.wordpress.com/?p=514 ]]> What excited me most about receiving this product to review was the fact that it lights up. Call me silly or girly; I don’t care. The LED light just intrigued me. Maybe it was the thought of seeing it glow in my nether regions in the dark. I don’t know. It is just a fun feature even though it has no real purpose. You can also choose between a pink or blue LED light.

As you can see from the photo, this is not a cordless toy; however, the cord is long enough to not cause any issues. The controller of the Lighted Shimmers LED Turbo Teaser fits in the hand nicely and works well right or left-handed. The slide control on the side glides easily from off to full-power. My experience was that it really only has about three speeds. The packaging states multi-speed but doesn’t say how many to expect. I prefer toys with a wide variety of speeds.

The Lighted Shimmers LED Turbo Teaser ‘s stimulator has a different shape than most. Somewhat ergonomic. What I like about it is that it is somewhat insertable and safely allows just the tip to be inserted for internal stimulations; an option not available on most toys of this type. Both the controller and stimulator are made of ABS with silver plating. The Lighted Shimmers requires 3 AA batteries.

I enjoyed this toy and my only recommendations for improvement would be:

- cordless
- more speed options
- textured tip on the stimulator

On a scale of 1 to 5 crops, Mistress Muffin gives the Lighted Shimmers LED Turbo Teaser … 3 crops:

Review by NaughtyMuffin